As a professional counselor I have seen numerous clients suffering from the trauma of divorce. It didn’ t take long to realize that along with the expected sadness, loss, and coping with change comes a whole array of issues related to the legal process.
I have heard the horror stories about exorbitant costs from attorneys who refuse to speak to their clients. I’ve had people suffer severe anxiety over the prospect of going to court only to spend hours in the courthouse hallways. I’ve seen anger from a bitter divorce follow people into their next relationship and cause it to fail. I’ve seen property and custody battles last for years. I’ve seen people turn hostile toward someone they once loved and lose sight of how “winning” will affect them and their children for years to come. In these situations no one wins.

When I was told about Collaborative Divorce all I could think of was FINALLY! A WAY to end a marriage without causing secondary severe trauma in the process. This new process allows comfort, dignity, and a path toward real solutions that will work long term. Couples are free to make their own choices. A judge doesn’t decide their future, their children’s future, their parenting roles, or their families ongoing relationships. Couples can end their marriage without antagonism. They will be able to proceed with separate lives but be able to face one another with mutual dignity and respect at future soccer games, graduations, weddings, and births.

Collaborative Law has spawned a surprising added benefit: The attorneys involved are a new breed. Instead of the stereotypical cutthroat types, these lawyers exhibit true compassion. They care about the impact they have on their clients’ lives. They have been willing to learn skills that are very different from what they were taught in law school. Many studied law to help people. They were discouraged by the way traditional litigation affected them and their clients. They were brave enough and wise enough to find a better way.

My passion has been to help marriages survive. My reality is that two-thirds of all marriages will end in divorce. My dream has been for the failed marriages to generate less pain. I’m thrilled to be a part of a legal process that finally reduces and even prevents trauma.


Linda Miller-deBerard is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker who has been in private practice specializing in marriage and family counseling for the past 20 years.